The Archive portrayed by Neptunia
by Mr. Van Helsing
Summary: A series of short one shots portraying the Neptunia Archive and Fan Fictions. Because I'm bored. So Laugh.
1. Harem Fics

**Listen Temptation Sensation, only during this part though, for more laugh**

 **-The Archieve protrayed by Neptunia-**

 **Staring:**

 **-A Desperate Protagonist-**

 **-The Loner-**

 **-Iron Man's Biggest Fan-**

 **-Anger Management-**

 **-Ham and Rum-**

 **-Female Chuck Norris-**

 **-Battlefield 1's best soldier-**

 **-The Transformers-**

 **-A Gothic Villain-**

 **-Black Pikachu-**

 **-The Boobed Super Saiyan-**

 **And Many More...**

 **Written by: One of the Real Heroes of the Archive.**

 **Co-ideas by: Some Random Black Guy**

 **Even more Co-Ideas by: Some other Demon.**

 **—**

* * *

 **Protrayal I: Harem Fics**

* * *

Neptune, Nepgear, Uzume, and Rei Ryghts rushed inside of a old wooden cabin as Uzume slammed the door.

"Barricade the doors and windows!" Uzume yelled, as everyone started nailing wooden planks to the doors and windows.

"Its over...! There're too many of the them!" Rei Ryghts yelled in defeat as Uzume smacked her across the face.

"Pull yourself together! There's a reason why I chose a Cabin in the Woods!" Uzume yelled.

"What?! Do we have a plan?!" Nepgear asked, as Uzume rolled up a carpet, which revealed a hatch. When she opened it, it revealed assault rifles, with ammuntion and gernades.

"Holy Neps." Neptune blankly said, while Uzume cocked a rifle. "Lock and load." Uzume said.

Everyone left took a gun. Noire, Vert, Blanc, even Plutia was gone...!

It was up to them to survive the Apocalypse.

"Uzume, any last words?" Neptune asked, as Uzume gave a glared at figures trying to break into the cabin.

"We shall not die here today. We shall survive and fight, for the rest of our lives if we must. We will not fall to those... ** _things_**...!" Uzume exclaimed as the cabin walls started to give out.

And then they all fought the great epidemic.

* * *

 **Hey, the names' Satan, and I am new here. So~...yeah, enjoy my stupid idea of One Shots portraying the Neptunia Archive.**

 **This fic is mostly for shits and giggles. What else do you want portrayed by the gang?**

 **Until next time~!**

 **But in all seriousness: _MAuthorian-ApocalypseDemon_ gave me the idea if the shtick up above.**


	2. Summoned Heroes From Another World EX1

_**Warning: The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

 ** _~Temptation Sensation~_**

 ** _Portrayal II: Heroes From Another World_**

 ** _Starring:_**

 _ **-The Desperate Protagonist-**_

 ** _-Idea Factory's Resident Evil Character-_**

 _ **-Compile Heart's Unlicensed Nurse-**_

 ** _-Some Un-Original Character-_**

 _ **-The back up hard drive-**_

 ** _-The British Dogoo-_**

 ** _- Written By: The Real Hero here-_**

 ** _- Co-Ideas: Some Jackass_**

* * *

"Histy!" Neptune yelled running into the basilicom.

"What is it, Neptune?" Histoire asked, surprised by the sudden concern from the CPU of Planeptune.

"The Deity of Sin is revived! We have all the forces, and we're strong enough anyway, but we no choice _whatsoever_ to pick some random dud who is probably some OP Demon God who had no idea he was a demon to begin with, and he even had a tragic back story!" Neptune declared.

"Wait, but we haven't any need to do such a thing." Histoire said, but Neptune put her hand to her face.

"Nope! We'll be defeated! Even though we have too many allies we'll more OP than we can imagine, we need his help!" Neptune yelled.

"..." Histoire just stared at her...

"Plus I already summoned someone awhile ago, so I sent Iffy and Compa to where he should end up."

* * *

In a dark, gloomy room with just FULL of anime girls. I mean body pillows, bed sheets, blankets, _**all~**_ the good weeaboo crap. There was a teenage boy who had a dark past, as he played the greatest anime girl game imaginable.

Hyperdimension Neptunia.

"...I wish I could go there..." He mumbled. Then, his computer turned off.

"..." He remained quiet as he was instantly reminded by on how every 'summoned hero from another world' fan fiction he has ever read works.

"...Is this...?" His computer blew up into light as he vision was then blinded. Now, he didn't feel the air anymore. He looked down as he saw himself in the sky. Ultimately, someone who was normal would obviously be panicking because they were probably several thousands of feet in the air and coming at the earth at such fast speeds no one would be able to survive.

But this is a OC in a _Neptunia_ _Fan_ _Fiction_.

Instead, his face grew excited.

 _"Seriously!? This really happening!?"_ He thought, his happiness so large it couldn't be contained.

 _"This is it! I get to save Gamindustri with the Goddesses! This is the greatest moment of my LI-!"_

* * *

IF stood just outside of a large crater. Silence lingered in the forest as she looked down upon it.

Yeah, ya'll could probably guess what had happened if there's a crater in the middle of the forest, exactly where IF and Compa were supposed to find a summoned person.

"...It's a damn shame Compa..." IF mumbled, as Compa laughed.

"Iffy, Look at this Dogoo!" Compa said, as IF looked back to see a Dogoo with a tall hat with a french mustache on.

"...That's hilarious."

* * *

 ** _~Fin~_**

 ** _Have any suggestions? What should be portrayed by the gang next!?_**

 ** _Also there will be two parts to this portrayal, since this doesn't always happen._**

 ** _Good Days to you sir's._**


	3. OP OC's

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 **~Temptation Sensation~**

 **Protrayal III: OP OC's**

 **Starring:**

 **-One Punch Fish-**

 **-90's Valley Girl-**

 **-Hot Not-Protagonist-**

 **-#TheCutestVillianEver-**

* * *

"Damn...! She's too strong...!" Uzume grilled as she struggled to get up. Rei Ryghts, in her HDD and the most powerful Goddess in any existing Universe or whatever, levitated near the fallen characters Uzume and Adult Neptune.

"Why did we fight her alone again?" Adult Neptune groaned, her face buried into the ground.

"Because we'd be cool if we did it and won!"

"I think you're trying too hard..."

Rei Ryghts lifted her staff up to the sky. "This is getting boring! I'll finish you along with the east of this wor-!"

However, the sound of music entered Rei's ears. It reached Uzume's and even Adult Neptune's ears. It was the One Punch Man opening song, The Hero. Confused, Rei looked around.

"Wait, what is that?" She asked...

"No doubt...it's him!"

Then, A figure appeared. Umio, his fish body levitating atop of a human body with a yellow super hero suit and red cape. Umio's body was just levitating over it.

Then, Umio punched Rei, sending her into space and blowing up into a supernova for some reason. The music yelled "ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!" while he did.

"Nepu?! Umio is OP!"

And like that, Umio continued to punch every single villain ever made, and became the most OP character ever.

"...Wait, where did he get a body?"

"Who knows, who cares!

* * *

 **Which do you want next?**

 **A) Lemons**

 **B) Pairings**

 **C) More Hero Summoned from another world**

 **Choose wisely.**

 **Helsing, Out.**


	4. Lemons

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 _~Temptation Sensation~_

 **Portrayal IV: Lemons.**

 **Starring:**

 **CPU BOOB Heart.**

 **CPU No-BOOB Heart.**

* * *

Vert, widely known as Lady Green Heart, was outside enjoying a cup of tea. In front of her was a small white table with a teapot, and assorted sweets and desserts. The wind blew softly, peace filling the atmosphere, if there was a definition for how peaceful it would be at this moment, it'd have to developed by scientists in a extremely highly funded lab and equipment.

As Vert sipped some tea, she felt the wind slightly begin to rise. She glanced up, and saw a all too familiar CPU ally, despite the constant fights between...ahem...personal matters, if you know what I mean.

That ally was Lady White Heart, also known as Blanc. The Goddess of Nintendo.

As softly landed on the ground, transforming back into her normal human form, as she blank expression looked exactly like normal. Ultimately, this pleased the Goddess of Xbox, seeing her all too familiar friend here, and for matters unknown as well!

"Hello, Vert." Blanc greeted, her tone sounding exactly like normal. "Do you mind if I ask a favor of you?"

Vert hummed in curiosity, as she looked directly in the eyes of the Nintendo CPU. "What is it?"

"Lowee's network is down due to some unknown sources, and we need a working computer to reboot it. However, the power in Lowee went down as well, so I would like to try to restart the system from your computer if that's possible." Nintendo's CPU explained. This was quite surpringly to the goddess, for Blanc, of all people, to lose power in the entire country. It was strange of course, for power and a system to suddenly shut down, but, regardless, Vert felt like being kind on this perfectly peaceful day.

She smiled in pride and sweetness. "Of course, Blanc. Use it however long you'd like." Vert offered. Blanc nodded with a soft smile.

"Thanks, Vert." Blanc thanked, as she walked into the Xbox Basilicom. Vert returned to her peaceful break, sipping her tea once again as she took in the fresh air...

...

...

 **"WHAT THE _FUCK_?!" **Blanc death roared. Vert jumped, spilling some of her tea, as she set the cup down and rushed into the Basilicom as fast as she could.

"What?! What happened?! What's wrong?!" Vert yelled in question and confusion as she made it to the door of the room where the computer was. Blanc was siting in the chair as she stared at the screen in shock and disbelief.

 **"THERE'S SO MUCH PORN!"** Blanc yelled.

Vert's eyes widened. "W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING THROUGH MY PRIVATE FILES?!"

 **"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, _PRIVATE_?! VERT, IT WAS WIDE OPEN, THERE ARE LITERALLY _THOUSANDS_ OF FILES HERE!"**

"W-Well, I've been meaning to clear some of that out!"

 **"TRUE GODDE- MOST OF THEM ARE EVERYONE WE KNOW! NEPTUNE, NORIE, NEPGEAR, FUCK EVEN ROM AND RAM!"**

"W-Well, k haven't any clue as to what those files are-"

 **"OF ALL THINGS IN GAMINDUSTRI, LOOK ARE THE LITERATURE PLOTS HERE; MAGIC PLOT DEVICE, LEMOM COLLECTIONS!"**

"Well, sometimes you like to see something new!"

 **"YOU SICK BIT- AND LOOK AT THIS! EVEN YOU AND ME?!"**

Vert began to tear up in shame. "Oh True Goddess, I-I have a disease alright?! I need help!"

 **"VERT, THIS IS SICKENING! DISGUSTING TO THE MAXIMUM!"**

"You know, I-I'm glad I'm caught, I-I wanted to be caught!" Vert yelled in shame. Blanc stood up and looked at her.

"Vert, you listen to me. This is a wake up call, you gotta get it together, get out there, find somebody, because- Fuck, you are spiraling out of control here!" Blanc yelled, as Vert nodded frantically.

"Okay, I understand, truly!"

"Vert, I mean it!" Blanc yelled. "The next decent looking guy you meet, you are getting in the game!"

"Very well, done, understood!" Vert yelled. Blanc turned the computer off.

"Alright..." Blanc said, as she picked the computer up. "Now let's get rid of this."

Vert looked at her in extreme confusion. "Wait, what do you mean?! Let us just delete the files!"

"No no no, that shit can always be recovered, we gotta smash this computer with a hammer."

* * *

Both Vert and Blanc were now in a alley way in Leanbox, both smashing the computer with sleghhammers, destroying it completely. Vert exhaled after they were done.

"Alright, are you satisfied?"

"No, the circuits could still be reconstructed if someone like Nepgear worked at it, we gotta bury it in the harbor."

* * *

Both Vert and Blanc, wearing scuba diving gear, leaned backwards with a garbage bag filled with the remains of the computer. They swam to the bottom, covered the bag with some rocks and dirt, and Blanc thumbs up Vert, who responded with another thumbs up.

Both ascended to the top of the water, as they took the breathing masks of their mouths.

"Alright, we'll come back every 3 months, take a dive, and check on it."

"Very well."

2 Days later, the writing of literature that involves the Goddesses of the nation's was strictly outlawed, and this included comics as well, and anything similar or even remotely similar.

* * *

 **I am proud of anyone who gets this joke.**

 **Now then, what next;**

 **1) Epic Battles**

 **2) Pairings**

 **3) Summoned from Another World 2**

 **Choose wisely.**

 **Helsing, Out.**


	5. Epic Battles

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 _~Temptation Sensation~_

 **Portrayal V: Epic Battles**

 **Starring:**

 **-Deadpool's Appropriate Dimensional Self-**

 **-Deadpool's Hotter Appropriate Dimensional Self-**

 **-That one character who had Christine Marie Cabanos Dub for the English release, whom I have forgot the name of and didn't bother changing this introduction title because the name Christine Marie Cabanos gives the answer to those who actually pay attention to the Anime Voice Actors-**

* * *

The Neptune's currently sat at home, watching tv blankly as the day was just so damn beautiful. Beside them, all around the couch, were piles upon piles of empty pudding cups. The TV kept going, presenting some awful anime shows that the two kept watching. Until, Neptune slowly tried to reach for another pudding cup, but all of them were gone.

"Ruh Roh." Neptune said, looking around.

"No more pudding?" Adult Neptune asked, looking around.

However, both stopped when they saw One.

Last.

Pudding.

Left on the coffee table right in front of them. Both death stared it until both tried to grab it, missing.

"I CALL IT!" Both yelled.

"I called it first."

"Com now, big me. I'm sure there is a Adult Way we can handle this-"

 ** _"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"_**

* * *

Both Adult Neptune and Neptune were a distance away from each other, the sky suddenly dark and the wind blowing quite fiercely. Neptune wore white Jedi robes, while Adult Neptune wore black Jedi robes, with John Williams' Duel of the Fates playing in the background.

"This can only end one way, big me!" Neptune yelled.

"That pudding is mine! I'll fight to the death for it! I care not, little me!" Adult Neptune yelled as she pulled out and red light saber. Neptune pulled out a blue light saber as both swung at each other, the sounds of the light sabers resounding all over the nation.

Both separated and held out their hands, firing lightning at each other, clashing with each other. Both battle cried loudly, their yells echoing throughout all existence.

* * *

Nepgear walked into the kitchen holding a plastic bag full of more pudding, and set it on the counter. When she saw the mess the Neptune's had made earlier, she began picking it all up in a garbage bag. This took about a few minutes before she arose with two black garbage bags full of empty pudding cups, she saw both Neptune holding toy light sabers and hitting each other with them.

"...So cute." Nepgear mumbled as she walked away, intending to throw out the garbage bags.


	6. Originality

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 _~Temptation Sensation~_

 **Portrayal VI: Originality**

 **Starring:**

 **-A Character who had a bad spin-off-**

 **-Xbox-**

 **-The Sega Console i forgot the name of-**

 **-A Character who had a rough childhood or something, i don't know-**

* * *

War...

War Never Changes.

The battle between PlayStation and Xbox has raged for many centuries, endless battles which never seem to be closer to the end. Many people have taken up arms in this fight...and many have died fighting for a just cause. Neither side intending to surrender, the True Console War rages on...

"LEMONS!"

"SCHOOL STORIES!"

"YURI!"

"OP OC'S!"

Both Noire and Vert yelled while pushing each other back. The _**Real**_ Console War rivals battled each other, while their soldiers both kept fighting for their nation, to prove that their console was better than the other.

However...

"HA HA HA HA HAAA!" A voice from above the clouds laughed mockingly. The CPUs of PlayStation and Xbox looked up in the sky and saw a giant white battle ship like in Star Wars, as they saw their arch nemesis.

Purple Heart, in a white processor.

"DIRTY OVERUSED STORY PEASANTS!" Purple Heart laughed at the top of the ship.

Noire sighed.

"Just ignore her and she'll go away..."

"PEASANTS, I BRING NEWS! JOIN ME AND ORIGINALITY AND ASCEND TO GOD HOOD! FOR YOU ARE WEAK, AND **I** AM _**MIGHTY**_! WITNESS **MORTALS** , MY ORIGINAL OC, MY GODLY STORY ASCENSION! A PLOT SO POWERFUL...!"

"Doesn't she represent a failed Sega Console?"

"I...I think so."

"A VILLAIN WITH INTENTIONS NEVER SEEN BEFORE! **REFERENCES!** AND COMEDY SO FUNNY, I CAN"T EVEN FIND A GOD WHO CAN TAKE IT!" When Purple Heart finished, she realized **No One** was listening at all. Both Noire and Vert were on their phones, and every soldier was playing something like cards or something to that extent.

"Come on, you guys...! I'm just trying to help give some good ideas...! Don't you want some Original Ideas...!?" She called out as she held up a pudding cup which had story idea written in a purple marker on the top.

No one responded, ignoring her and waiting for her to go away so they can resume their death battle.

"Well, FINE! MORE YUMMY FOLLOWS AND FAVORITES FOR ME!" Purple Heart yelled as she opened the pudding cup and scarfed down the pudding. "MMMMMM! DELICIOUS! OH, IT TASTES SO GOOD YOU GUYS! MMM-!"

"HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Another voice yelled as a back star wars battle ship appeared besides the white battleship, on the surface of it, was Iris Heart.

"DIRTY LAST YEAR OLD STORY PEASANT!" Iris Heart yelled. "I HAVE EVEN BETTER ORIGINAL POWER THAN THE LAST YEAR VERSION! JOIN ME, AND ASCEND TO **GOD** **HOOD**! FOR **YOU** ARE WEAK, AND **I** AM MIGHTY!"

Purple Heart merely tried to come up with a response.

"Well, you're...you're a...stupid slacker!"

"Hey, just cause my Stories are more original than yours-!"

"MY STORIES WERE ORIGINAL LAST YEAR!"

"YEAH, WELL NOW THIS IS THIS YEAR, SO NOW YOUR _ORIGINAL_ STORIES ARE CONSIDERED _CLICHE_!"

 **"THEY'RE NOT!"**

On that day...The world of Gamindustri was forced into yet another Console war...for really dumb reasons...

* * *

 **I feel like this one _sucked_ , so for all those who didn't laugh and thought it sucked as well, let me have it.**


	7. Men of Gamindustri

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 ** _~Temptation Sensation~_**

 **Portrayal VI: Men of Gamindustri**

 **Starring:**

 **-Pretty much every man in Planeptune-**

 **-Rie Tanaka-**

 **-Yui Horie-**

 **Written By: A Lazy Tool**

* * *

Inside a apartment of who the hell cares within Planeptune, two men sat on a couch while watching the news. Currently, it was showing a debate between one of the most long time and most desired answer debate of all time. A debate that still echoes to this day, spanning from 8 Billion years ago.

Who was the best Planeptune CPU.

As they kept watching, one of the men chuckled.

"It's obvious, isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

"Neptune."

"Nepgear."

Both men said simultaneously. Slowly, they looked at each other with simple, blank faces. Both did nothing for a few moments...

* * *

Two armies of men faced each other in a open field, each side roaring at each other. Men banged on their chest plates as hard as they could, used their heads to break through wood planks, and other things to look intimidating. Each army was massive in size, counting to 10,000 men in each army. Each of them wore attires similar to Vikings. Some even held flags with Neptune's face, and the other side had Nepgear's face. Riding upon horses, two men, the same perverted douchebags that were in the apartment building above, both stared down each other while wielding large weapons.

 ** _"CHAAAAAAAARGE!"_**

It was at that time, Big Sonic Blast from Guilty Gear Xrd started up, and each army charge at each other, preparing to fight to the death to decide the better Planeptune Goddess. Hundreds died in minutes. Explosions occurred, Giants robots with drills came, a battle that even the gods themselves would waver in. In a matter of time, this would be considered Gamindustri's most brutal war...

* * *

Watching from the Planeptune tower, Neptune sat in a lawnchair as she held onto a pair of binoculars while eating a cup of pudding. She could hear the blasting music from where she was at, the music echoing throughout all of Gamindustri. As she did, Nepgear walked out holding a glass of tea.

"Neptune, Histoire quit and went to Lastation."

"She'll be back." Neptune simply answered. Nepgear looked off into the distance, seeing the large explosions happen, and hearing the music.

"Neptune, our people are dying and we're just watching."

"I know, Right?!"

* * *

The two men from the apartment were all that remained. The Neptune fan was enveloped in a purple battle aura, while the other was clad in a pink one. Both gave each other death glares, and in a instant, they launched at each other.

"NEEEEEEEEEEPTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNEEEE!"

"NEEEEEEEEEEPGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!"

Both launched punches at each other so fast they're arms could even be seen anymore. Shockwaves made the earth crack, and every second that past the shockwaves grew more intense, raised higher, and expanded further.

"THIS! THIS WILL FINISH IT!"

 ** _"GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAH!"_**

 ** _"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_**

Finally, each other landed a punch to the others' face and a large bright explosion occurred, leaving a mark on the very earth for all eternity. The debate was really never settled that day, and they say the two morons that started all of it still fight to this day...


	8. OOC

**_Warning:_** _ **The following One Shots may be unsuitable for some readers who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned.**_

* * *

 _~Temptation Sensation~_

 **Portrayal VIII: Out of Character**

 **Starring:**

 **-British Neptune-**

 **-Yes, I said British-**

 **-A douchbag Author-**

 **-Nepgear-**

 **-Yeah, I couldn't think of a funny nickname for Nepgear, so I put this stupid explanation of why Nepgear doesn't have a funny nickname, because I couldn't think of a funny nickname for Nepgear-**

 **-The British Dogoo again-**

 **-Jesus, We have the habit of using British here, huh?**

 **-The mention of a Character who doesn't get enough attention around these parts-**

 **Written by: The author at first, but then he suddenly suffered a case of I-Don't-Give-A-Neps-Ass Syndrome so he got his idiot friend to finish it for the Lazy C*nt.**

* * *

Inside a large mansion, with beast heads mounted on the walls, portraits of Neptune hanged up in the wall, along with trophies for Neotune's annual pudding eating contest, etc. Sitting in a leather chair by a roasting fireplace, was Neptune, in a tuxedo, reading a book.

A Book.

...A...

MotherNepping...

Book.

Anyway, as Neptune turned the page, she then noticed she had company as she looked up.

"Oh hello young lads," She said, closing her book. "Welcome to my lovely home." She said, putting her book off to the side. "You may be wondering where this trend of using British jokes come from? Well, that's simple. The script didn't have a explanation so I can't really tell you. What's important is something that demands my attention...so let me explain to you, why Video Games ruin lives the young-"

* * *

"What the actual Fuck is she doing?" The author asked, watching from a different room on a monitor. "Who the FUCK gave her the script?! I know this isn't part of the script!"

"Sir, she threw the script at me and yelled "Go to hell, you stupid pig! it's my birthday!" and went to start!"

"You LET HER do that?! The fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Sir, with all due respect she's a Goddess!"

"Fine fine, just calm down! Let's ask Sir British Dogoo of the film for guidance." The author said as he turned to a Dogoo with a British mustache and hat.

"...Dogoo." It said in a British accent.

* * *

"-And that is why, young lads, is why Video games ruins lives...oh, but what seems more out of place and insulting? The fact that they got a Video Game character who represents a Video Game Console to talk about how Video Games ruin lives? Why they got me to be a Brit? Or the fact that there is a GREAT LACK OF KUROME REDEMPTION FICS?!" Neptune then yelled the last part of the sentence as she pounded her fist on the armrest.

"Why are there no redemption type stories for Kurome?! Is she not good enough for you?! Besides try to torment a dimension for eternity, what did she do to you?! Does she not deserve a redemption Fic?!" Neptune yelled louder.

"I DEMAND MORE KUROME FICS! I DEMAND MORE ORIGINAL STORIES WITH ME AS THE PROTAGONIST! BY MY POWER AS THE GODDESS OF TSUNDERES, I DEMAND THEE!"

* * *

"Dogoo."

"Alright, get her off the set. Before were past the point of no return with this."

"Dogoo..."

"Sir?"

"Dogoo."

"Yes sir!"

* * *

"I order for a mass production of new chapters! I DEMAND THEE-!"

Before Neptune could finish her orders, several security guards came bursting in on set and surrounded Neptune, grabbing her and pulling her off the set.

 **"NOOOOO! DUCK YOU ALL MORTALS! DUCK YOU ALL! DUUUCK YOU AALLL! I DEMAND MORE OP! MORE YURI! NO, MYTHOLOGY THPE FICS! EXCEPT THEY'RE ALL GIRLS! NORSE NEPTUUUUUUNNNNNNIIIIIIAAAAAAA...!"** Neptune roared as she resisted, but she was taken away out of the set.

"I don't think we got the point across sir..."

"Dogoo."

"Hm?"

"Dogoo Dogoo Dogoo Dogoo Dogoo Dogoo...Goooo..."

"Sir...You truly are a genius..." The author said, nearly on the verge of crying.

"Dogoo..." Sir British Dogoo said. "Dogoo! Dogoo Dogoo!" He then exclaimed, as Nepgear in a revealing maid attire came and placed her hands on Sir British Dogoo's wheelchair.

"Yes sir."

As they left, the author stood where he was...

"That man truly is a genius..."

* * *

 **I demand a Kurome Redemption story.**

 **Thats the only thing I have to say to you all.**

 **Fare thee well.**


	9. Yuri Pairing's

**Warning: The following One Shots _MAY_ _Be unsuitable for those who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned._**

* * *

 _~~Temptation Sensation~~_

 **Portrayal IX: Yuri Pairings**

 **Starring:**

 **~A character who has a double in another god awful anime about twin tails or some shit~**

 **~I'm shocked the writer and the company that made that show didn't get a lawsuit yet, I mean look it the fuck up and tell me that both characters don't look alike~**

 **~I'd sue the fuck out of those shitheads~**

 **~#TsundereWaifu~**

 **~The one bitch who encourages This Gay shit~**

 **~Obviously, someone who hates OC Protagonists~**

 **~#BlancForTrueGoddess~**

 **~Plot Support~**

 **Writen By: Some stupid Fuck who's really running out of good nicknames**

* * *

Bland sat at her desk, tying furiously on her laptop. The deadline for her new novel was just around the corner, and she had a feeling that, after several hundred failed attempts, she would be able to do it. She would be able to make a novel that would outdo the rest, and become a bestseller.

However, just a she reached lightning speed typing speed, a call came. Her laptop screen changed into that of a cell phone, and gave the caller ID Neptune.

"FUUUUCKING HELL!" Blanc roared, shattering the windows, due to being forced out of typing. Taking a short moment to recompose herself, she clicked the caller ID.

"BLANC!" Neptune screamed, not catching Blanc off guard in the slightest, but was still insanely enraged to the point of letting it burst any second now. Of course, her facial expression didn't say that, Nor did she let it loose.

"No, I don't want to go to a hot spring in the mountains. _Again_." Blanc said, her anger seething out.

"NONONO! That's not what I called about!" Neptune exclaimed, seemingly unable to contain a large amount of excitement.

"I don't know what's going on Neptune, but if it's something stupid aga-!"

"BLANC, ME AND NOIRE ARE DATING! WE'RE GAY!"

...

* * *

It had been at least 12 minutes after that, and It was as if the entire world has gone completly insane. Relationships were happening left and right. First Neptune and Noire...then Nepgear and Uni...Then Compa and IF...Then Histoire and Croire...Then Plutia and Other Noire...the list just needed ends. Blanc was truly the only sane one left. Not one person she knew was straight anymore. It was like a disease, except she was the only one who seemed to have a resistance to it. Of course, her other dimensional self was no exception to this. She and the Vert in the Ultra Dimension were also Gay. I mean, what the fuck? Blanc's world is just giving her the shittiest lemons here! Hell, she even had a theory they her sisters, her own innocent sisters, were gay! Did I mention all this happened in 12 minutes?

And as Blanc sat outside in the courtyard, holding a cup of freshly poured tea, she stared out into space, unmoving.

"...All is lost...Gamindustri is doomed..." She finally mumbled.

Shortky after that, a green light appeared behind her. Blanc, moving her head to glance back at the source, saw Vert, holding her hands behind her back in a nervous and anxious manner.

"...What?"

"Blanc...I've been thinking for...quiet some time now..." Vert began, as Blanc didn't react in the slightest. "Ever since we first met...I felt something about you that...seemed to connect you and me. And as time grew, as the times we spend and spent together continue to grow...I...was unable to comprehend what I was feeling for so long...but now I know...Blanc...I lo-!"

"Vert, you demented, cow chested, stupid, delusional, Slut. I am NOT Gay." Blanc said with a straight emotionless face, but with just as much rage in her tone as if she was.

"...But Bl-!"

"No. I do not feel that way, nor will I ever feel that way about you, or any of my friends. Now, if that's all you wanted to say, leave my house." Blanc said coldly as she turned her head back in front. Moments later, Vert transformed again and flew off. However, one word lingered out of Vert's mouth.

"Shit!"

Back at the Lowee Basilicom, Blanc continued to sit in the courtyard for the rest of the day. Staring out into the snow, dozing off into space. And as she continued to sip her tea cup, even though it had been emptied quiet awhile ago, a servant eventually came. To do just that, refill her teacup with more tea.

"Lady Blanc, would you like more tea?"

"...Are you gay?"

"E-Excuse me?" The servant asked, surprised and taken aback at the sudden question. "N-No, of course not!" Blanc didn't say anything for a moment, before placing her teacup down. "Please, pour some." She said. The servant recovered from the shock rather quickly, but was still concerned at what he should be feeling at that question.

"Isn't financier supposed to be here?" Blanc asked, as the servant shook his head.

"No Milady, she took the day off today. She is spending time with her boyfriend."

"..."

"..."

"...Thank Me...Fiancier isn't gay..."

"Lady Blanc, pardon my rudeness, but...are you feeling well? You've been out here for quite some time..."

"I...am taking in...the state of the world we now live in...all my friends are gay except my maid...everything is going to shit, and I am the only one not affected by this..."

"...I...I see..." He said. "W-Well, I'd best get back to my duties-"

"Wait..." Blanc suddenly said, catching the servant's attention. Blanc looked up at him with a curious expression. "Would...you like to talk a bit?"

* * *

The author held a script up to his face, reading the content on it and let his hand fall to the table of where he was sitting at. The room was that of a very crappy office building, except that there was still a window. Vert, the Goddess of Leanbox, sat across from him waiting for a answer.

"..."

"..."

"...Vert, this is horrid... it's awful, and just beyond the word cliche. It's just...not good. And the Blanc relationship doesn't even last 2 minutes and Blanc goes to Vert, saying she's gay too."

"I AM AN ARTIST, YOU BLASTED FOOL! THIS IS WHAT THE FANS WANT! THE FANS WANT YURI STUFF! THEN LET THEN HAVE YURI! YURI RULES THIS ARCHIEVE! THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE! YURI FOR LIIIFE!" Vert screamed at the top of her lungs as she bolted out the door, breaking it in the process.

The author sat in his chair for a few moments before his phone starting ringing. He pulled it out and answered without delay.

"Sir?"

Sitting in the office of the most wealthy man in the world, was Sir Dogoo, with a phone resting against his body, and his sight staring out into The city. A stern expression on his face as he spoke...

"Dogoo...Dogoo Dogoo Dogoo..."

 **Translation:** The Time has come...Execute Order 66.

"...It will be done my lord."

* * *

 **I'm back. Whoo-Hoo...**

 **Yeah, so uh, not dead, and I am trying to write more, so that's all good...**

 **...So yeah, nothing really much to say, besides...good to be back? What should I do next? You decide? Maybe? Probably? ...?**

 **Anyway, later mortals.**


	10. Self Inserts

**Let me just take a single moment to say that this is the Tenth Portrayal. As well as the 21 Follows this got, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who enjoys all of my Cancerous chapters. And now, without further ado, read away.**

 **Warning: The following One Shots** ** _MAY_** ** _Be unsuitable for those who are easily offended by rude humor. You have been warned._**

* * *

 _~~Temptation Sensation~~_

 **Portrayal X: Self Inserts**

 **Starring:**

 **~The Author~**

 **~Yeah, I just said the Author~**

 **~The Single Greatest OC on the Archive~**

 **~And before we start pointing fingers, It's The British Dogoo~**

 **~Next Dogoo is gonna be his cousin whose either from Russia or Scotland. Or Ireland~**

 **~#DownWithMaleOCHaremProtagonists~**

 **~Guess who started the Campaign above~**

 **~Still Not any stories about this evil Neptunia character~**

 **~Adu- Okay, No. It's ULTRA Neptune. U-L-T-R-A. She came from Ultra Dimension, so she's Ultra Neptune. Okay, Neptunia Archive? Did we clear that up alright? I mean it's the technical term, but people just like using Adult for some reason. I mean, she's not going to be in this portrayal but I feel like this had to be said~**

 **...**

 **Written By: The Author was partly drunk when he wrote this and he fell down the stairs and passed out.**

 **Co Written By: That one guy who laughed his ass off at the author falling down the stairs**

 **Beta Read By: One of the author's friend's who wasn't high and/or drunk who edited and corrected anything that seemed written by a drunk dumbass.**

* * *

"...So, why am I here?"

"The better question is, How are you here? And the answer to that is simple: I have no nepping Idea. Nor do I care."

Kurome Ankokuboshi, a villain who had tried to fuse both Hyper Dimension and Zero Dimension together in the past, now sat on the other side of a booth table in a classic 90's restaurant as she stared Neptune, the CPU one, not the Ultra one. Now, she would have billions of better things to do if not chained down to the booth and forced against her will to remain seated. But the likelihood of being released seemed unlikely.

"That did not answer my question."

"Never mind that, You must help me." Neptune said, as Kurome simply raised an eyebrow. "Why would I ever do that?" She asked with a unamused tone and expression.

"My good boss has pushed the deadline for me, and now I must get him a idea for him by the end of the day or I'm fired!" She answered as he opened her laptop. "Now, let's start off with setting. It's has to be Planeptune, because fuck every other nation."

"I hate Planeptune."

"Nobody asked for your Opinion, _Uzume_! This is what the fans want!" Neptune yelled, Kurome simply staring at her with a twitching eye.

"Alright, now for our Character! I already have the info for it, and it's perfect! He's called "BIG DICK JOSH"! What do ya think!?"

"That name is horrid-"

"YESYESYES! We are getting some where to-DAY!" Neptune yelled as he pounded at his keyboard. Kurome grit her teeth in anger, holding back her desire to yell at the dumbass as she kept ignoring her.

"Okay, now we have to give this guy some powers! Let's give him Powers so Overpowered no one could match him, and have him dominate everyone even though he has no battle experience whatsoever! With a expected twist revealing he was NEVER human but some godly entity from another Universe!"

"You are just ignor-"

"ALIGHT, YES, THIS IS GOLD! Okay, now love interest!"

"I hope you die in a hol-"

"OH WHO THE NEP AM I KIDDING!? LET'S HAREM THIS SUCKER! Except the Makers, Oracles, and any other character that aren't the CPU's, FUCK those characters!" Neptune yelled, typing down the information she came up with. It was at this point, Kurome finally had it. But before she could unleash unholy wrath against him, Neptune suddenly pointed at her.

"Now, let's try to find out some villains! Should we go with the main story and use the main villains in that, and come up with something that has has no relation with the gaming community at all? Of course, it has to be some old guy talking about how the world is being destroyed by the CPU's and that the world would be better off without them, even though it makes no sense since Hyper Dimension technically needs them to survive."

"...If I assist you, will you let me go?" Kurome asked, as Neptune simply stared at her with suspecting eyes. "...Maybe."

"...Then, how about this? You don't be some stupid jackass, write this idea without sounding like fool obviously infected with large doses of Retardation, and stop ignoring me?" Kurome began. "Why does this OC have to be Overpowered? In fact, why have any powers at all!? If anything, why not make it normal powers? Nothing special or superior to the CPU's, who have possibly centuries of experience at their backs, if at all having powers, and to hell with the CPU's, pair up with someone who is neglected and isn't used in a fic."

"So...what about historical powers? Like a werewolf?"

"Yes, that even! I don't really care what you do, just don't make it overpowered!"

"Okay okay...anything else?"

"Don't make yourself a stoic, uncaring, edgy, asshole. Make yourself original, not something anyone could be, people have seen it all before. Try something no one has seen or made yet."

"...Kurome?"

"Yes?"

"THAT...is thee most _horrible_ Idea I have ever heard! This isn't what the fans want! They need to KNOW the OC has a gigantic dick and OP powers, how else is he gonna be shipped!? He has to be absolutely perfect with no flaws whatsoever!

"..."

"Honestly, I have better ideas that THAT Kurome! Jeez! This baby is near completion! The Boss is gonna love this!"

* * *

"I hate this. Every detail about it."

"WHAT!?" Neptune yelled in utter shock. "WHAT"S WRONG WITH BIG DICK JOSH!?"

As a few hours had passed since Neptune had kidnapped Kurome for little to no reason, and she had come to turn in her hard work. This, obviously, did not go well with the author, who had hired her to create this, due to how horrible it was.

"Let me just go over the self insert I'm paying you to write for me. Ahem...'After getting magically transported to Gamindustri, Big Dick Josh ventures through Gamindustri in search of a way home, and totally gets a Harem of Goddesses, Overpowered abilities that no one can dare match, and defeats every random threat that comes his way...and just so we are clear, Planeptune cute and sexy CPU is the Protag!'" The author repeated with a mocking tone. This, however, did not pass through to Neptune, who took the sarcasm as truth.

"Yep! This is gonna be the breaking point!" Neptune cheered, clearly seeing nothing wrong with her work. The author simply stared at her with a blank expression before tossing the transcript in the trash, and then several men in suits holding machine guns pointed at the transcript in the trash and shot it relentlessly, even taking time to reload the guns and shoot it for even more long periods of time.

"Get out."

"NEPU!?" Neptune yelled out as she was forced out of the room by even more guards, who would later violently throw her out into the street. The author rose up from his seat and turned around, and opened up the blinds. Outside, in the city which appeared to be Planeptune, was fire and chaos. It looked like a New York in Escape from New York, but why? Does this represent something? Was it because Sweet Victory wasn't played at the Super Bowl last night?! Maybe. Who knows! But that's not the point here.

"The world is ending...the Gods have abandoned us...a savior is needed in order to bring Balance to the Force...we can't summon one because we don't have enough money in the budget for that, and we _are_ pretty tight on Money right now..." he mumbled, seeing a explosion occur in the distance. He let his forehead hit the glass as he closed his eyes and exhaled. "Will it continued to be destroyed by the new saviors...? Or will it be destroyed by the ones trying to save it...? Only Time will te-" Cut off by his phone ringing, the author looked over at his smartphone, seeing it vibrate. He picked it up and held it up to his ear after answering it.

"Hello?" He asked, and stood where he was for a few seconds before widening his eyes. "Oh, we have more budget money now? Okay...okay...yes, thank you...okay, bye." He said as he hung up.

He then shot his sight over to the other side of the room. "Boss, pack your bags! We going to r-18 Island!"

"DOGOO!"

* * *

 **Thank to you who stuck around and continue to enjoy reading these portrayals (Despite some of them being crap.) Now, before I either continue to hate the super bowl halftime for failing humanity or continue Resident Evil 2, I think now is a good time to say this.**

 **I'll try to be focusing more on my actual stories rather than this. If I just continue this, I'll kinda lose purpose, plus they're doing better than I had expected when I posted them before honestly. As to why they havent been uodated was quite simple: Lack of Motivation and writers block. So I tried wht most people do when they have writers block, take some time to just refresh myself a bit and relax. But now that I have done that I'm back and at it.**

 **Also, I've been Beta Reading a story called Multidimension Blue Sun by Authoria - The Heart, if anyone knows who that is.**

 **So, I'll try to get another actual story chapter out soon, but still might be awhile. But I will tell you what the next portrayal is.**

 **Male Neptune's.**


End file.
